Small Acts
by The Vervain Faery
Summary: It’s a failure for both of you when Harry marries Ginny. You stand by him, of course, and she stands by Ginny, neither where you really want to be, but accepting it.


A/N: beta'd by my WonWon

o.

In the beginning, you understand that she'll end up with the Hero, because she's the Girl, and you're merely the Sidekick, and that's the way every novel has ever been written.

It takes you a few years before you're completely certain exactly which of them it is you're jealous of.

o.

You love him because he's a Hero, and because he's strong. You love him because he always smells of wind and fresh cut grass and broomstick polish and treacle tart, and because he forgets where he puts his books. You love him because of the way he scrunches his face when he's waking up, and because of the way he loops the 'y' in his name.

You aren't sure why she loves him, but you know it has everything to do with the fact that he's _Harry._

o.

There's always been an unspoken agreement, that neither would swoop in and claim him. Let him decide with all his options laid before him. And if neither offers yourself, but still he picks one of you, well, then that'll prove everything.

It's always been a challenge between you, soft and quiet, settled in stares and raised eyebrows. You approach and she backs away. She's there and you sit on the other side of Common Room. That's what the fights are really about: who can ensnare his attention longer before he forces you to apologise.

o.

It's almost why you're both jealous of the others, of Krum and Cormac, of Lavender and Seamus. Because if one of you stops fighting for your place at Harry's side, and he still doesn't pick the other, well that'd be the biggest failure of all.

o.

It's going to be one of you. Her or you. There's no one else he trusts so completely. There's no one else so logical.

Sure, there's Ginny, but you and she smirk gleefully from a tiny alcove watching_ first love_ and you both know that it's nothing.

Love burns. _Love destroys. _And Ginny knows nothing about that, while that's Harry's entire life, broken love and disappointment. Ginny will never understand that, but you and she? You both know what it's like… you live it everyday.

You live it every time you see him bent over some book, his head pressed close to hers, hair mixing and blending as she speaks. She lives it every time he follows you up to bed and she's forced to retreat to her own room and imagine what you could be doing. You both live it when he smiles.

He knows one of you will be there to sweep up the pieces when all of that with your sister crumbles, and you guess that's enough for now.

o.

It's a failure for both of you when Harry marries Ginny. You stand by him, of course, and she stands by Ginny, neither where you really want to be, but accepting it because you have to. You've always accepted what Harry's decided to do, even when it's drowning everything inside of you.

o.

You look at her one day and shrug and she shrugs back. Harry wonders why neither of you has ever settled down, when he already has a brood of his own children. He confides that he expected you both to end up together years ago.

So, you agree to it, because that's something Harry wants, and you both still do anything he asks.

o.

You still resent when she spends a few extra minutes in the kitchen with him when you go over for Sunday dinner. She still glowers when you come home late from a pick up game of Quidditch with him. You both still jump like overeager puppies when he needs a bit of help.

Some things haven't changed and some things never will. You both know it and it doesn't bother either of you.

You twist the wedding band around your finger and pretend it doesn't tie you to her.

o.

You look at her one day, and you really look. You take in the grey streaks in her frizz and the lines on her face. You take in the way her body sags and how her eyes are dull. She could just as easily look at you and say the same things, but neither of you do.

You're both still harbouring your delusions though it's been years and Harry's never really noticed.

o.

It's only when he dies that the game's over and you allow yourself to accept it's over. And now you're stuck with someone you could never love, all because you still can't break away from his expectation.

You believe it's why she's still with you, see it in her expression when she wakes and sees you.

o.

Every time you've closed your eyes since you were eleven years old, you've pretended it was him beside you. You know he can't be there, but you don't see any reason to stop pretending now.


End file.
